You didn't expect the crazy, did you?

One of the things you'll learn about me is that I go in cycles.  They're called Major Depressive Episodes.  Depression exists even if you're medicated, see, and you just have to roll with it.  Although I think I'd like to resolve not to post craziness on the blog, if it's all the same to my nonexistent readers.

Maybe I'm bipolar or maybe I'm just a Libra, but either way, I'm back in the world, and this is a good thing, so soon there will be posts with, like, content.

AHEM

Sorry about all that shit.

BACK TO PRACTICAL.

Regardless of how stupid our parents are we will get with it.  YAY!

OK no

MAYBE THE TIME HAS DRAWN THE FACES I RECALL.

No, it hasn't.  I remember every goddamn single one of them.  Aaaah.  You have no idea.  St., and H., and PJ, and JT, and Ters, and oh yeah, who was that guy that I had so much faith in?  Oh, wait, it'll come to me.  Oh wait, what was it?  Oh yeah...

SANDY.

Yeah, Mr. Gilzow.  We'd like to hear from you, despite us being outside your FOR.

BRB going nuts

Listen, MT-who-shall-remain-nameless, if you want answers to questions you'll have to make your questions less cryptic.  I'm pretty smart but I'm not psychic.  Leaving a note that says "which one" with no indication as to which one of what just makes me fantasize about ways you could be punished.

Also I'm pissed off that you didn't type all of that job earlier and then uploaded it.  

No love, 

Me.

Listen to the language scream

Okay, MTs, look.  This is your NATIVE EFFING LANGUAGE.  And you can't tell when you've just typed utter gibberish?  COME ON.  Take the time to ask yourself if what you just typed made any goddamn sense.  NO!  IT DIDN'T!  Now, are you going to worship the ignorant doctor, or recast or leave a blank or do something that shows some kind of goddamn intelligence and respect for the beautiful, wonderful tongue we call English?

Oh.  I forgot.  This is the USA.  Everyone gets a ribbon for showing up.

Why oh why...

Why do I keep getting reports with a bunch of hard returns at the end?  Do people just hold down the Enter key while giggling madly until they're led away by kind nurses and put back in the rubber room?  ARGH.

OK look people

When doc is dictating a cardiac catheterization, it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that he is going to comment on the patient's LEFT KNEE in the middle of the angiogram.

It's a good thing I'm obsessively professional. Otherwise I would leave extremely snarky feedback and make that MT cry, because I'm a huge bitch and OH MY GOD IT IS SO OBVIOUS WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE.

I wish I had a glass of wine. :(

Can't brain today

I just spent 10 minutes looking through old reports looking for this medication "Emalen." I was just about to give up when I found it and it was MILK OF MAGNESIA. Em oh em. -_-

Also I cleaned off my desk today in preparation for taking a picture of my workspace for Project365 (which I am doing on Facebook, not here) and found my hamster on a wheel. :D And also some ketchup and fire sauce packets, and several Reese's peanut butter cup wrappers. :(

This is why I rarely clean off my desk, because every time I'm like OMG I SHOULD BE ON HOARDERS :( :( :(

TTFN.

Edit for additional insanity: The next blank he's spelling out. What a nice man. Tylenol is totally spelled T H L E N O L.

Gettin mah hurr did

On Sunday, Fairy Princess Sister cut my hair. The eMpTy Boy has been kind enough to illustrate this for me, so you can all see:

I actually love it, although today I learned that if you go out in the wind with wet hair, it turns poofier than a bridesmaid's dress.

Oh, ASR

D: Lives at home, denies any alcohol or tobacco use.
T: Is a homo, denies any alcohol or tobacco use.

Question of the day

Why is subject-verb agreement a closed book to so many people? Didn't everyone else have to learn how to diagram sentences in school to learn which verb went with which subject and therefore how to make them agree?

It drives me crazy.

Edit for the purpose of being more helpful than bitchy: If you have no idea what I'm talking about, the Purdue Online Writing Lab has a helpful page to help you with subject-verb agreement.

Use this page! PLEASE! Before what's left of my brain congeals into a solid mass of gelatinous-cube type material that makes everything it touches shrivel and die!

Edit 2 (Electric Boogaloo): This is standing in for the LYNXPLZ post I was supposed to make yesterday, except I was being possessed by the spirit of Donna Reed, so I wasn't on the computer. LOL.

Things That Are Not God, Part I

Oh, my children, the spelling/grammar checker is not god and you do not have to follow every freaking suggestion it makes.

When you type the plural of a word already in its dictionary, it will suggest you use an apostrophe. THIS IS WRONG.

It thinks you should put a comma before every single instance of "which." THIS IS WRONG.

Unless you've added them manually, it doesn't know what phrases like "in toto" and "Dalai Lama" mean. Until I added "en route" to my personal dictionaries, it always suggested "in root." NO.

Its thesaurus is puny and horrible and wrong. What it calls "synonyms" are responsible for a lot of the terribly bad usage in amateur fiction.

Context? What's that? It doesn't know if you're making a list, or typing in an office code. It ABSOLUTELY REFUSES to put cc: at the beginning of a line in lowercase. I can't tell you how many damn reports I get with Cc: at the bottom. Which makes me scream.

Please do not slavishly follow the recommendations of the spelling/grammar check in Word or any other platform. If you're truly in doubt, do something wild and LOOK IT UP so I can stop banging my head against the keyboard like some poor pseudoautistic freak.

Transcription Fail

"Schizo typo" personality. WTF is that? Do you go hear voices telling you to type things wrong and make up spellings?

I suspect MTs are more likely to have this disorder than patients are.

YOU'D BETTER TAKE THE SOFA...

…because the cross is freaking OCCUPIED.

We have a backlog at eMpTy job #1. Especially on this one client. I AM THE ONLY ONE WORKING ON THIS BACKLOG. I guess the others don’t want to because this client is being audited for quality and we’ve been told multiple times that we will be up shit creek if any of us are found wanting.

Well, they said it in a much more professional way than that, obviously.

Anyway, I’m doing QA on reports 2 days old. Earlier they were 3 days old, but I finished all those. There are still over 100 jobs and about 20 of them are from 2 days ago.

And this is my day off.

How To Feel Like An Idiot

Go looking for samples of a frustrating doctor. Find nothing. Go back months and months looking, spending at least 30 minutes looking for just one damn sample. Get frustrated. Decide to kill him and everyone in the Medical Records Department at that hospital. Go have a cigarette and a cup of coffee and think about how you are not making money while on this wild goose chase. Decide to kill whoever invented money. And your boss who asked you to do this particular report. Get really frustrated, make RAWR noises, and close the search results window.

Then realize you have spelled the doctor's name wrong. -_-